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How do amoebas keep in touch?With cell phones.

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Joke for 2025-09-14

After dying a grisly death in an Afghan cave, Osama made his way to the pearly gates. There, he was greeted by George Washington.`How dare you attack the nation I helped conceive!` yelled Washington, slapping Osama in the face. Patrick Henry came up from behind. `You wanted to end America`s liberty, so they gave you death!` Henry punched Osama in the nose. James Madison came next, and said, `This is why I allowed the government provide for the common defense!` He took a sledge hammer and whacked Osama`s knees. Osama was subjected to similar beatings from John Randolph, James Monroe, and 65 other people who had the same love for liberty and America. As he writhed on the ground, Thomas Jefferson hurled him back toward the gate where he was to be judged. As Osama awaited his journey to his final very hot destination, he screamed, `This is not what I was promised!` An angel replied, `I told you there would be 72 Virginians waiting for you. What did you think I said?`

Joke for 2025-09-13

A salesman from KFC walked up to the Pope and offers him a million dollars if he would change `The Lord`s Prayer` from `give us this day our daily bread` to `give us this day our daily chicken.` The Pope refused his offer. Two weeks later, the man offered the pope 10 million dollars to change it from `give us this day our daily bread` to `give us this day our daily chicken` and again the Pope refused the man`s generous offer. Another week later, the man offered the Pope 20 million dollars and finally the Pope accepted. The following day, the Pope said to all his officials, `I have some good news and some bad news. `The good news is, that we have just received a check for 20 million dollars. The bad news is, we lost the Wonder Bread account!``

Joke for 2025-09-12

An old man and a young man work together in an office. The old man always has a jar of peanuts on his desk, and the young man really loves peanuts.One day, while the old man is away from his desk, the young man yields to temptation and scarfs down over half of the contents of the jar. When the old man returns, the young man feels guilty and confesses to his crime.`Don`t worry, son. I never eat the peanuts anyway,` the old man replies. `Since I lost my teeth, all I can do is gum chocolate off the M&M`s.`