Joke for today

Resolving to surprise her husband, an executive``s wife stopped by his office. When she opened the door, she found him with his secretary sitting in his lap.Without hesitating, he dictated, `...and in conclusion, gentlemen, budget cuts or no budget cuts, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair.`

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Joke for 2025-06-30

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he`s enjoying it, the monkey jumps all around the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them. Then he grabs some sliced limes and eats them. Then he jumps onto the pool table, grabs one of the billiard balls, sticks it in his mouth, and to everyone`s amazement, he somehow swallows it whole.The bartender screams at the guy, `Did you see what your monkey did?`The guy says, `No, what?` `He just ate the cue ball off my pool table - whole!``Yeah, that doesn`t surprise me,` replies the guy. `He eats everything in sight, the little bastard. Sorry. I`ll pay for everything.` The man finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate and leaves.Two weeks later, he`s in the bar again, and his pet monkey is with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his ass, pulls it out and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. `Did you see what your monkey did now?` he asks. `No, what?` replies the guy. `Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his ass, pulled it out, and ate it!` says the bartender. `Yeah, that doesn`t surprise me,` replies the guy. `He still eats everything in sight but ever since he swallowed that cue ball, he measures everything first.`

Joke for 2025-06-29

Where do you find a dog with no legs? Where you left it.

Joke for 2025-06-28

A magazine reporter is traveling through a rainforest, in search of a fabled cannibalistic tribe. He falls into a trap, goes unconscious and wakes up tied to a stake with a fire burning slowly underneath him. He cries out for help, and is answered by what is obviously one of the tribesmen, who informs him that he is going to be served as dinner to the leader of the tribe. `But you don`t understand!` he cries, `You can`t do this to me! I`m an editor for the New Yorker magazine!` `Ah,` replies the tribesman, `Well now you are editor-in-chief!`