Joke of the day
Joke for today
A man was stranded on a desert island for 10 years. One day a beautiful girl swims to shore in a wetsuit....
Man: `Hi! Am I ever happy to see you.`
Girl: `Hi! It seems like you`ve been here a long time. How long has it been since you`ve had a cigarette?`
Man: `It`s been ten years!` With this information the girl unzips a slot on the arm of her wet suit and gives the man a cigarette.
Man: `Oh thank you so much!`
Girl: `So tell me how long its been since you had a drink?`
Man: `It`s been ten years` The girl unzips a little longer zipper on her wet suit and comes out with a flask of whiskey and gives the man a drink.
Man: `Oh... thank you so much. You are like a miracle!`
Girl: [Starting to unzip the front of her wet suit.] `So tell me then, how long has it been since you played around?`
Man: `Oh, my God, don`t tell me you`ve got a set of golf clubs in there too?!`
More jokes in English
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Joke for 2019-02-16
A couple had two little boys, ages eight and ten, who were excessively mischievous.
The two were always getting into trouble and their parents could be confident that if any mischief occurred in their town, their two young sons were involved in some capacity. The parents were at their wit`s end as to what to do about their sons` behavior.
The parents had heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children in the past, so they contacted him, and he agreed to give it his best shot. He asked to see the boys individually, so the eight-year-old was sent to meet with him first. The clergyman sat the boy down and asked him sternly, `Where is God?`
The boy made no response, so the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, `Where is God?`
Again the boy made no attempt to answer, so the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy`s face, `WHERE IS GOD?`
At that, the boy bolted from the room, ran directly home, and slammed himself in his closet. His older brother followed him into the closet and said, `What happened?`
The younger brother replied, `We are in BIG trouble this time. God is missing and they think we did it!`
Joke for 2019-02-15
In the human body, which organ is in charge?
All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was in charge.
The brain said: `I should be in charge, because I run all the body`s systems, so without me nothing would happen.`
`I should be in charge,` said the heart, `because I pump the blood and circulate oxygen all over the body, so without me you`d all waste away.`
`I should be in charge,` said the stomach, `because I process food and give all of you energy.`
`I should be in charge,` said the rectum, `because I`m responsible for waste removal.`
All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight. Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, and the blood was toxic. Eventually the other organs gave in. They all agreed that the rectum should be the boss.
The moral of the story?
You don`t have to be smart or important to be in charge... just an *sshole.
Joke for 2019-02-14
One Sunday morning, everyone in one bright, beautiful, tiny town got up early and went to the local church.
Before the services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking about their lives, their families, etc. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.
Soon everyone was evacuated from the church, except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew, not moving... seemingly oblivious to the fact that God`s ultimate enemy was in his presence. Now this confused Satan a bit, so he walked up to the man and said, `Don`t you know who I am?`
The man replied, `Yep, sure do.`
Satan asked, `Aren`t you afraid of me?`
`Nope, sure ain`t,` said the man.
Satan was a little perturbed at this and queried, `Why aren`t you afraid of me?`
The man calmly replied, `Been married to your sister for over 48 years.`